What being single is teaching me: Drinking wine and being a slut.

It’s been 6 months since I broke up with my ex… and I feel like now is the time to talk about how I’ve got over it, how I’ve coped and how I have grown as a person. I like to share personal heart felt posts on my blog because I like to keep it real and I hope this is not only a helpful post but a funny one too, laugh at my expenses my life has been quite a joke recently.

The first stage of a long term relationship is definitely the initial sass and anger, the whole “he’s a prick” talk with your girlfriends before the pain actually seeps in…

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I felt so free and relived after we broke up, I was like “yes this is it I can find a real man” I had an internal sigh of relief and gave myself the best pep talk ever, “Think how much attention you’ll get Amy you can really be free and find someone who loves you”… Yeah that lasted about a day… I probably cried 8 times a day for a week my emotions where uncontrollable and I was a mess. Then I had to go back to uni and pretend I was fine, and what was my way of coping? … WINE.

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I actually spent a good week just drinking and going out after my breakup, I drunk way above the limit for my body, I then got really ill and just felt sorry for myself for way to long. But that’s normal… right? I thought it was so much fun, I love being drunk, and dancing and spending time with friends. Dressing up almost to shout “IM SINGLE” and seeing how much attention I can get while I’m out, a bit of a confidence boost until you realise drunk guys in clubs have NO respect. The odd ass grab here, that was enough to get me kicked out of the club for (verbally) battering these pigs into the hole they crawled from. Wine became my lover, but it got to the point that my friends became worried for my health and once I realised how much I was drinking and how much money I had spent, I just spiralled into a deep hole of sadness and heartbreak and it really sunk in that my 3 year love affair was over. I spent hours on the internet looking at cute couples and getting really angry and upset that that wasnt me anymore so … I downloaded tinder in attempt to find myself another lover. Tinder, the app that encourages you to judge a book by its cover and whatever is written in a tiny bio. “Dan, 20, 20km away, ‘Rugny, banter, on here for some fun *slanty face*'” hours spent flicking endlessly through all the men to find the ones I thought reasonable for myself. Then the realistion that most guys I talk too will be absalute misogynistic dick heads and I’ll very quickly be put off men.

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During brief infatuation and an overwhelming feeling by how much attention I was getting from my ‘matches’ I decided it had been too long since I’d had sex and a casual hookup was needed, but what happened wasnt exactly what I had in mind.. Now I have some street smarts but apparently being single again turned me into a complete idiot. I thought it would be a good idea to invite a guy I had befriended round my house after he had been to the pub, He wasn’t drunk drunk so I thought: “ah he can come round a chill and he said he’ll bring me food and fags, great shout” I wasn’t 100% sure if he assumed we were gonna fuck, but I was fine to either way. So he arrived and we talked for a bit, had a smoke, then went upstairs for the obligatory ‘netflix and chill’. We started making out and of course one thing lead to another, but I wasn’t expecting what happening. The sex quickly turned violent, He seemed to think that being into BDSM meant he could do as he pleased… I was sexually assaulted by this guy and I’ll leave out the horrible details but it was just awful, considering this is the first man I slept with since my breakup too. The experience was horrible and it really did effect me for a few months, those who follow me would have noticed I didn’t post for a very long time. What happened truly put me off men for a long time, luckily It wasn’t long before I was home for christmas so I had a chance to clear my head. I was so scared to tell anyone, My flat mate was the very first person I told because I didn’t really understand what had happened and I didn’t know if it was assault or if it was my fault.

It took a long time for me to go and get help, to talk about what happened, to accept that it was sexual assault, it took even longer for me to trust guys again. You’re probably thinking why is she talking about this on the internet? Because like everything I write about on this blog, I do it to help people. Sexual assault is a VERY serious matter, Yes I am trying to keep this post funny and light hearted but I’m talking about my breakup and this is what happened, so I don’t want to lie and pretend life is all peaches and cream because it isn’t. The point I’m trying to make is we all make stupid mistakes and I blamed myself for so long, but when someone disrespects your body, your sexual kinks and hurts you, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I have always strived to show people sexual assault is never the victims fault and after going through it personally now, I will 100% be talking about it a lot more.

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Young girls (and boys) are not taught enough about rape and situations like this, we have to sort of learn as we go and I definitely would not wish my mistakes on anyone. If someone is disrespecting you, your body or anything you stand for that person is wrong not you. You make sure you look after yourself and don’t let anyone hurt you. After I received counselling for it and spent some time looking after myself I met guys that weren’t assholes and learnt to trust someone else with my body again and returned to my sex loving self. Sex isn’t a crime if it is consensual and enjoyable for both people involved, young people need to be taught about self love and respect during sex as well as what is wrong and what shouldn’t happen. Sex is amazing and fun and although this experience was one I wish I never had its taught me to be careful with who I trust in bed, its taught me that as soon as something become unenjoyable I have the right to tell the other person to stop, and if they don’t it is assault.

It was hard having this happen after such a hard breakup and I did spend a long ass time craving another real relationship but I’ll have to wait for that. My relationship wasn’t as good and amazing as I thought it was and it was very emotionally straining. It knocked me down a lot and I feel like I’ve grown so much since its ended, I really am a new woman my confidence has improved an insane amount, I’ve finally learnt that I am all I need. So after a breakup, lots of sass, border line alcoholism, sexual assault, counselling and then loads of girl drama at uni (mean girls shit is for another time) I finally got my shit back together.

It has been a very recent change in emotions that has bought me out of the depressive state I was in, and it only really changed because of the good people in my life. Once you get rid of negative people and focus on the good people it’s insane how fast your mindset changes. I have been teaching myself that it is okay for me to be sad and angry about everything that has happened this year but I also need to remember that it is in the past now, I now try to take every day as it comes, I wake up in a new mood every morning with new things to face in the day and I need to just feel whatever I am feeling now. Art and fashion are all I surround myself with now, that is the reason I’m blogging and uploading a lot more. I find that the best way to cheer myself up is to write a list of stuff I enjoy doing and then do a few of them that day, which always includes dressing real cute and looking for lots of inspiration. (If anyone would like me to share my lists and coping techniques feel free to say.)

The point of this post was to explain what being single is teaching me and I hope it has taught everyone that you don’t need a relationship to make you happy. Surround yourself with things to focus on, not people. Spend time with those who care about you and bring you joy and don’t drink a bottle of rose every night because believe it or not just like bread… WINE MAKES YOU FAT. Of course thats OKAY, because gaining a bit of weight after a relationship ends is just you storing fuel for you to improve yourself in whatever way you feel needed. Sleep with who you like, but be SAFE, Go out and have fun, but be SAFE, and improve yourself but stay HEALTHY. Loosing people is hard and being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is the hardest thing in the world, but one day everyone finds their soul mate, even if for a long time that person is yourself!

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SO LISTEN TO LATRICE…Stay strong, sassy and real, and look after your mind before you focus on anything else.

 

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